Honey Speaks

Finally…Someone to Listen!

God’s Working It Out

Today is the sabbath and we are sitting in our room in the Value Place motel listening to a sermon by Dr. Ward about Joseph. On our last sabbath in Houston, Mr. Sappington spoke about Joseph and how God worked through him to fulfill his purpose for his life. God gave Joseph dreams telling him of what was to come. As I listen to the sermon, I can’t help but to recall different dreams that God gave to me telling me of the things that would happen in my life and come to pass. One important lesson that I’ve learned over the years is that God works things out in his own time, not ours.

The dream that immediately came to mind was when Clam and I were dating as interns at GE, God showed me that Clam was going to work for GE. At that time, it was nearing the end of the summer and Clam was interviewing for a permanent position with the company. I believed the dream whole-heatedly, but I was disappointed when he didn’t get the job that summer. We went on to get married and Clam was working for a different company. Maybe a year or two into our marriage, He had another interview with GE and he got the job. I praised God, but kept in mind that everything is worked out in God’s timing and that my dream came to pass.

Now, we are in Alexandria, LA, some 9 or so years after having that dream because Clam just got a promotion that required us to move here. I’m grateful for his promotion, but at the same time I’m struggling to stay positive regarding things being worked it in my favor. I was beginning to do vey well in Houston and August was one of the busiest months that I’d had in a while since we’d moved there.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my photography and hope that I figure it out soon. I can remember a bright shining moment from when I was in photography school regarding my future and that I would be a great and possibly well-known photographer. I know it was a dream of sorts, but I don’t exactly remember the details of it. I just remember this moment where a knowing took place, a certainty that I was on the right path heading in the right direction.

I feel like I’m falling apart and very unsure of which direction to go in. I feel like I’m getting further and further from where I want and need to be. Funny thing is that in the back of my mind I know that I’m exactly where God wants me to be. It doesn’t feel good and I don’t know how long it’s going to last, I just know that I need to hold on. All this week I have been getting messages of encouragement from all around me. Quotes about people giving up when they were one step away from their goal, a recurring message about the life of Joseph and how long it took him to get where he was supposed to be anyhow God worked things out for the best, messages about holding on and inspiration quotes from toastmasters have been coming to me all week.

I know that this is all a part of God’s plan, I just need to continue to be patient. We’re here for Clam’s promotion and The Boy is going to a great school as he desired, I’m just wondering what’s Here for me? Maybe nothing. Maybe the next place will be for me. I don’t know. Or maybe there’s more here for me than I can even imagine and this is exactly what I need to force me into being what and who God has called me to be. I just hope that I can keep a positive attitude & keep my mind stayed on God & his will for my life. “Everything will work out for my good. God has my best interest in heart and has been working out his plan years in advance.”

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. “(Galatians 6:9 KJV)

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God’s Working It Out

Today is the sabbath and we are sitting in our room in the Value Place motel listening to a sermon by Dr. Ward about Joseph. On our last sabbath in Houston, Mr. Sappington spoke about Joseph and how God worked through him to fulfill his purpose for his life. God gave Joseph dreams telling him of what was to come. As I listen to the sermon, I can’t help but to recall different dreams that God gave to me telling me of the things that would happen in my life and come to pass. One important lesson that I’ve learned over the years is that God works things out in his own time, not ours.

The dream that immediately came to mind was when Clam and I were dating as interns at GE, God showed me that Clam was going to work for GE. At that time, it was nearing the end of the summer and Clam was interviewing for a permanent position with the company. I believed the dream whole-heatedly, but I was disappointed when he didn’t get the job that summer. We went on to get married and Clam was working for a different company. Maybe a year or two into our marriage, He had another interview with GE and he got the job. I praised God, but kept in mind that everything is worked out in God’s timing and that my dream came to pass.

Now, we are in Alexandria, LA, some 9 or so years after having that dream because Clyde just got a promotion with GE that required us to move here. I’m grateful for his promotion, but at the same time I’m struggling to stay positive regarding things being worked it in my favor. I was beginning to do vey well in Houston and August was one of the busiest months that I’d had in a while since we’d moved there.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my photography and hope that I figure it out soon. I can remember a bright shining moment from when I was in photography school regarding my future and that I would be a great and possibly well-known photographer. I know it was a dream of sorts, but I don’t exactly remember the details of it. I just remember this moment where a knowing took place, a certainty that I was on the right path heading in the right direction.

I feel like I’m falling apart and very unsure of which direction to go in. I feel like I’m getting further and further from where I want and need to be. Funny thing is that in the back of my mind I know that I’m exactly where God wants me to be. It doesn’t feel good and I don’t know how long it’s going to last, I just know that I need to hold on. All this week I have been getting messages of encouragement from all around me. Quotes about people giving up when they were one step away from their goal, a recurring message about the life of Joseph and how long it took him to get where he was supposed to be anyhow God worked things out for the best, messages about holding on and inspiration quotes from toastmasters have been coming to me all week.

I know that this is all a part of God’s plan, I just need to continue to be patient. We’re here for Clyde’s promotion and The Boy is going to a great school as he desired, I’m just wondering what’s Here for me? Maybe nothing. Maybe the next place will be for me. I don’t know. Or maybe there’s more here for me than I can even imagine and this is exactly what I need to force me into being what and who God has called me to be. I just hope that I can keep a positive attitude & keep my mind stayed on God & his will for my life. “Everything will work out for my good. God has my best interest in heart and has been working out his plan years in advance.”

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. “(Galatians 6:9 KJV)

Faith, Where Have You Gone?!!

Oh, this has been a long time coming. I’ve been mustering up the courage to write here. I love to journal, but that’s because it’s private. I could have an online journal, but I think that would take away from the nostalgia and process of being fulfilled by writing, at least for me. I love the way it feels to put pen to paper and to fill the page with my thoughts or whatever strikes me. But, sometimes (most of the time) the thoughts come more quickly than I’m able to pen them and typing is the next best alternative….

Here goes…

I used to be the person to say that “everything happens for a reason”, “embrace change”, “it’ll all work out as it should”. Not that I’m no longer that person, I feel that I’ve lost touch with that very optimistic side of me, namely…my faith. It sucks to say it, but I feel that it’s true. Everyday I wonder how I ended up in this place and how I can return to my optimistically faith-filled place in life. There was so much comfort there. Perhaps that’s why I’m where I am at this very moment…falling apart at the seams…going to pieces…becoming someone I don’t really recognize…because I was too comfortable. *sigh*

I know that there is no value in continuing to strive to be in a place that is so obviously far behind me, but I wonder if I can find a new place, a better place here in my present life that is comparable to the place that I seek to be in once again.

It feels like so much is hanging in the balance right now and all of the balls that I’ve been juggling are up in the air about to fall at any given moment. It is the most uncomfortable feeling. I’m doing my best to navigate it with much prayer and the tiny glimmer of hope that is left within me. I hear that’s all it takes..a tiny glimmer of hope…faith the size of a mustard seed- sometimes that even seems like it’s too much to come up with.

I know that we have to go through tests and trials in this life. I’m sure that this is a testing period and I’m ok with that. But, what I’m not ok with is feeling like I don’t know what to do or which way to turn. The obvious answer is always up! Even in turning to God, I feel that I am lost and struggling and floundering to find my way.

This all seems a bit vague, I’m sure, but I don’t think that rehashing the many problems (or opportunities, depending on how you look at it) that I’m facing will give me any comfort. Maybe another time. I am doing my best to hold on and not give up. The thing that always seems to come to mind, as of late, when things appear to be dragging on is that it won’t be like this always. It can’t. I know that we’ll be lead in the way that we should go and that it will be the best decision for us. Ultimately, I want God to get the glory from my life and I know that HE understands my every thought afar off and is well acquainted with how I’m feeling. I’m doing my best to find refuge in Him and to acknowledge Him in all that I do. I know that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purposes (Rom. 8:28).

I think I will be ok after all…!

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are!”

~E.E. Cummings

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

 Martin Luther King, Jr.